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Sharon’s Story
I grew up in London with my parents. I was an only child and quite shy.
As I got older I felt under a lot of pressure to be “part of the crowd” and because I was shy, and insecure I found it quite hard to mix. In my early teens I started to drink, it felt good, and gave me courage to be part of the crowd and join in with what other people were doing, the insecurities were blotted out after a few drinks..
When I was 18/19 years of age I met a guy and we got married quite quickly, all for the wrong reasons, I thought that marriage would give me the security that I so desperately wanted. Very shortly after we were married he started using heroin and cocaine. At first I was dead against it, but carried on drinking heavily, and began to use a lot of “Speed”. In September 1987 our first son was born and later in April 1989 our second son was born. All through my pregnancies I never drank any alcohol at all, and I stopped using Speed, but my husband had started dealing heroin and cocaine and slowly my resolve not to use these drugs was worn down. I started using heroin and cocaine, but our marriage was falling apart.
I soon found myself in a women’s refuge with my boys. I felt cut off from everything, and alone. I was fraudulently using credit cards to pay for my habit, and ended up doing a short spell in prison, where I was still using the drugs, my lads were looked after by my husband and his mum and my mum, so this only made me feel worse, feelings of guilt for letting my sons down, and worry about the future.
I came out of prison, my oldest son stayed with his dad, and my youngest son came to live back with me. I decided I had, had enough of that life style, for the next ten years or so I was in and out of rehabs. Trying to change my life around, but there was an emptiness in my heart, my soul didn’t feel like it was mine. Moving from one flat to another all over London, having one or two other relationships with men, but more often than not, they were using drugs and drinking, I would often get beaten up by these guys. One evening I went round to see a male friend, whilst we were in his flat drinking, the door came crashing through, two men came in, both of them had guns. The first guy knew my ex husband, who used to sell him drugs. He said to the second guy don’t hurt her she’s ……..wife. He told me to go into the other room, because I wouldn’t like to see what was going to happen next. I went into the other room, and could hear them beating my friend up, I was terrified . The second guy then came into the room where I was and put a gun to my head while he raped me. The guys told me not to go outside the front door, before 6.30 a.m. or I would be shot. I was devastated, I stayed in the room and finished the bottle of brandy drinking myself to sleep. I woke up about 7.00a.m. but I was locked in the flat and there was no sign of my friend. I kicked the door frantically screaming for help and then someone called the police and they opened the door, there followed loads of questioning and police procedures, but I was so terrified, I told the police I wouldn’t take it any further, I had heard on the grapevine that the guy would come back and kill me if I told anyone. This whole incident left me feeling guilty and unclean, and very angry.
By now I was feeling really low, I couldn’t see any way out, I had lost all self esteem and self respect, I thought that this was my lot in life, this was it, it was always going to be like this. The only thing that blotted out the pain and hurt was the drugs and the drink.
Then one day, my drug key worker was supposed to be taking me to a rehab. in Gloucestershire, by this time my youngest son had been taken in to foster care. When he came to pick me up from the latest detox I had been attending he told me that my placement in the rehab. had been taken and he had found me a hostel in Salisbury (mainly made up of men). I wasn’t very impressed with this, it was the last thing I needed, but I had nowhere else to go.
I was only at the hostel for two or three months, I met a guy who said that I could come and stay at his flat, unfortunately he was an alcoholic. While staying there he introduced me to Dave and Bev from Morning Star. For the first time in a long while, I had met people whom I found to be so caring and understanding, Bev and I would go out for coffee’s, together I found I could easily confide in her, she was totally non-judgemental and seemed to know just how I was feeling. Over a period of time Dave and Bev explained to me about the Lord and how being a Christian wasn’t a religious thing it was all about having a friendship with Jesus. They shared with me how Jesus could turn my life around, and give me a new start, how Jesus could set me free, from my past.
One day when Dave and Bev came round they prayed with me, I asked Jesus to come into my heart, to forgive my sin and all the things I had done wrong and to change me, my attitudes, my thoughts and my lifestyle. I felt really different and really wanted to make the new start, but because I was still sharing the flat with my alcoholic friend, and I didn’t have anywhere else to stay, I had tried to get a place at a local womens hostel, but they had no room, so unfortunately the drinking continued.
A few months later I ended up in hospital. My Liver was seriously damaged, one consultant told me I had only three months to live, I was also told that one more drink could kill me, such was the serious state of my liver.
Dave and Bev kept coming up to visit me in hospital and during the last week said that I could come and live with them, I was so excited, a chance to actually put my new life into action, a chance to live as part of a family, something I hadn’t had for a long time.
Whilst living at Dave and Bevs, my weight has gone from 7st 2lb to what I should weigh for my height and build. My walk with the Lord is blossoming. I haven’t had a drink since coming out of hospital, and the Lord has miraculously taken the cravings away. I have at last found the thing that fills that emptiness inside my heart a friendship with Jesus, I know that He will never leave me or let me down . All the time I was in and out of the rehabs, I had felt such an emptiness inside, which I tried to fill with drugs and alcohol, relationships and moving from one place to another, but nothing filled that hole, I would come home from rehab, having been detoxed from the chemicals, but then nothing, a feeling of emptiness once again .
God has been so good to me and I know that He is healing me from all the hurts and pains that the past has brought on me. I never knew that life could be so good and its all because of Jesus and His precious love for me.
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